“Dear God, thank you for everything that you have done for us. Thank you for letting us have a good day. Please let us rest well tonight so that we may have a good day tomorrow. Give the boys a pair of angels to watch over their dreams. Let them know how much you love them and how much I love them and how very safe they are. Amen.”
This simple prayer is part of our bedtime routine and I have found that I receive as much comfort from it as the boys do. Some days there are more additions – prayer requests or gratitude. One night as I prayed I accidentally told God I loved him. In my mind, I immediately apologized, “No, no! I didn’t mean to say that!” I think there was shame. How can I love a God I don’t know? How can God love me if I don’t know him, or love me at all?
I remember one time in college where I “accidentally” told someone I loved them. It was a guy I had liked in high school and we had recently reconnected. We were chatting on the phone one day and as we were hanging up, I ended the conversation with “I love you.” I was mortified – I immediately hung up the phone. He immediately called me back and at first I refused to pick up the phone. What could I possibly say to him? I hadn’t meant to say that at all! I finally picked the phone up and he asked, “What did you say?” I mumbled “nothing.” He said, no, that isn’t true. He persuaded me to not be embarrassed and he said that he thought that was the truest kind of love there was; the kind where you accidentally say I love you.
We never dated, didn’t stay in touch, but I have never forgotten his words. What if, just what if, it were true? What if accidentally saying I love you to God was the truest kind of love? An unknown love finding its way to the surface, snuggled among good night kisses and prayers?
What if?
ackckkk!!!! oh my word, bet, this is so great, so true, so poetic and endearing. i love this, and you.
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