Saturday, May 26, 2012

Drink to Change


I remember that time I tended bar and told bawdy jokes.  As I laughed and pranced, quite proud of myself because, after all, I had no talent for jokes, a guy stood up from one of the wing back chairs he had been sitting it, quiet and unnoticed.  We had been very busy that evening, two conventions in town.  At this time of the night only a few remained – my captive audience and this gentleman who stood up.  One of our groups was a convention of military chaplains.  Tim was his name and he was a preacher and he felt the need to tell me.  I grew up in the church.  I knew all about churches and pastors, certainly, so I thought.  He shattered that image for me and do you know it was me who sought him out afterwards to go get a couple of long necks and talk about a God I didn’t remember.  It has been hundreds of wild nights and hundreds of no longer wild nights since then.  I didn’t change overnight.  In some ways I haven’t changed at all.  I am still a small girl who wants to know the way, a girl that wants to stop seeking approval from others, and a girl who ultimately wants to look up to God and claim him as her Father.  If it is a choice then I must still be straddling the fence.  But I am different than I was that crazy night.  Not sure why I am thinking of you, Tim, but here’s to you.  Cheers.

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10 comments:

  1. "In some ways I haven’t changed at all."
    I feel the same - so much change and so little - the essence of me is still very much alive and my dear companion.
    I love this post, so honest and in the moment.
    <3

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    1. Thank you, Janae! I didn't specify as much, but it has been probably 12 years since that night. And it is true... there have been thousands of changes and yet, none at all. Thank you for reading!

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  2. This is beautiful! I think this is a story worth telling and I'm so glad i was able to read it. It makes me want to hear more.

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    1. Thank you! I hope to have a great testimony one day but I know that this is just one piece.

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  3. nice nod to tim...i am glad he changed your impression and that you chased him down to talk more...its a journey....and no matter where you are just keep walking it...smiles...

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    1. Hi Brian, thank you for the encouragement! "Straddling" comes more natural than "walking." Admittedly. But the walk is there. Still there, maybe.

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  4. wow. i love that you found God over a couple of long-necks. i love this story and your way of telling it. so glad to meet you, dear beth. thanks for linking with ip! e.

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    1. Hi Emily! My sister hacked my account - Up until today, she is the only one who knew it existed! But I feel so blessed and privileged to connect with others. The feedback has been great, and the pleasure is all mine! And God+long necks is kind of cool, huh? :-)

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  5. Wanting to know the way is key - that is progress. At least, that is what I cling to. I want to know the way, but I'm not perfect. I don't always make the right choices. I have a "past" but I know there is a future too. Isn't it cool that God brought Tim to you? That he could minister to you in a bar? I think so. It shows that He is always with us, always searching and coming after us - you are important to Him.

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    1. Courtney, I feel this way, too. My biggest challenge is to figure out the wanting-to-KNOW part versus the how-I-FEEL part. I do want to know but I get so bogged down in feelings that it is hard to Seek. I cling to hope that God will seek me, even when I don't FEEL it, KNOW it, or BELIEVE it. Thank you for your encouragement!

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